A Call to Sisterhood...

I decided to re-launch my former e-zine, now blog, God's Gift, with this article I wrote a couple of years ago.

Ghetto. Hoodrat. Golddigger. Chickenhead. ‘Ho. B*!#%.

These are not just some of the degrading words used to describe women in rap song lyrics. These words are what we women, so-called sisters, call each other. And I’m here to implore, beg and plead with all of us to STOP IT! I’m calling all women, all over the world, to sisterhood.

Over the past few months my concept of sisterhood has been tested, challenged and even shaken. I’ve always felt that relationships with women were not easy to maintain, but the past few months have been worse than ever. It has made me first look inward to my own role in this process. And I have to say, when you turn the mirror on yourself, sometimes what you see is not pretty. I realize that I could certainly grow in how I phrase things. And I’m working on that. I also realize that I don’t always have to have the last word, and it’s better to just let some things go. I’m working on that as well.

I belong to several online discussion groups. These groups have allowed me to meet some of the smartest and most thoughtful people in the world. A few of them I have developed close relationships with offline. One of the women in the group, who I do not know, engaged me in an email exchange that caused me to rethink my relationship with women. By the end of the exchange, I was called a ghetto, uneducated “child” who was also a fake. I admit that after this, I let a few of my own insults fly…and I’m not proud of that. But this exchange made me think about why we women (of all races and ages) do this to one another?

Several years ago, I heard a sermon called “Crooked Crowns.” The preacher exhorted women on the value of helping each other reach their full potential (becoming queens) and to help one another avoid the pitfalls that Satan tries to set for us. But the most important lesson I learned in the sermon is this: if one of our sisters falls and her crown becomes “crooked” then it is other sisters’ responsibility to help her up, dust her off and STRAIGHTEN HER CROWN.

Sisterhood is defined as “association or unification of women in a common cause.” This needs to be the unifying call to women all over the world. Our individual causes and purposes may be different, but we do share many commonalities including:

• Being nurturers to our family, children and friends
• Finding and walking in our divine purpose
• Being happy and whole individuals
• Leaving a legacy to our family and hopefully our community
• Being the best women we can be

These common threads among women, despite our racial, social and religious differences should be what we use to unify ourselves. With the alarming rates of violence against women and HIV/AIDS among women, we have to rely on ourselves and each other to protect ourselves. But with so much infighting, we are only making it easier for others to destroy our minds, our bodies, our spirits and even our lives.

It is so unfortunate to hear women say, “She’s grown. I can’t tell her anything.” Or “That’s none of my business.” While both may be true, if you can help straighten another sister’s crown and prevent her from endangering her future or her life, then is it not better to speak the truth in love? I may not be my sister’s keeper, but she is my sister. Genetics and blood are not the only things that make women sisters. And we need to find those things that can make us unified and work on building relationships from that point.

In order to heed the call to sisterhood, we, as women, need to do the following:

Use your words to EDIFY not destroy. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” When you approach a sister, make sure that your words edify, which means “to instruct especially so as to encourage intellectual, moral or spiritual improvement.”

Use words of “covering, caring and correction.” My mother coined this phrase. Our words should cover (or protect) our sisters. This means that you don’t allow anyone else to tear a sister down in your presence, even if you know this person is doing something wrong. If it’s severe, then suggest that the person go the sister directly or you go to her yourself. Your words should also be caring, meaning they should leave the person feeling like someone has their best interest at heart. If you see that your sister’s crown is crooked, then you can give her a word of correction. But just follow the advice in Ephesians 4:15, “speak the truth in love.” Always make sure that you have the credibility (with that person and in general) and right motive for giving a word of correction. My close friends and family know that I will definitely accept a word of correction from them. And when I ask my online discussion group for their opinions, I expect to get honest and truthful answers. But I don’t accept a word of correction from just anyone…especially if it is not given in an edifying or respectful manner.

Have and show respect. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Respect goes a long way. Respect also means to know when to “agree to disagree” and move on. Reaching this compromise does not mean that you bad-mouth or no longer talk to the person, it just means that you agree to not let this one issue interfere with your common causes (remember the definition of sisterhood).

Talk to sisters the way you would want someone to talk to you. This is definitely one I can work on. I tend to be a blunt person. But I realize that everyone cannot accept that style of communication. I am learning the meaning of my grandmother’s saying, “You get a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Bottom line, tact and decorum go a long way.

As you use one hand to reach up, use the other hand to pull someone else up. Someone used this to describe Oprah on her show recently. As each of attains success in our respective callings, we should seek to find at least one person who we can take by the hand and help them achieve success in their own calling. This produces a diaspora of people who are committed to building a community of success stories and changed lives.

Imagine a world where there are no “video honeys,” “gold diggers,” or “hoodrats” for rappers and men to talk about or exploit because every woman has successful and fulfilling careers and businesses or were in school improving themselves. It may seem like wishful thinking, but if each one of us mentors one person, and that person mentors one person, we could change the entire atmosphere of this country and the world!